It's Either Me or You, John. --or-- Locusts and Honey a la Puppet

According to my Google Glossary search,
a puppet is:

• 
  

a small figure of a person operated from above with strings by a puppeteer

creature: a person who is controlled by others and is used to perform unpleasant tasks for someone else

a doll with a hollow head of a person or animal and a cloth body; intended to fit over the hand and be manipulated with the fingers

• 
  

While The Minister and I have no experience with the first kind, though that sounds much more interesting than the others, we do have significant experience with the third kind. Let us describe a typical encounter with these puppets:
(this is in the setting of my church, where most of my experience comes from)

1. I am inexplicably volunteered to be part of a "Puppet sketch" that will wow adults and entertain and teach children.
2. I decline gracefully.
3. I am told that I am the only one for the job, getting comments like, "You have a great voice!" or "Your arms are so nice and long, you would be great!" or, better yet, "You're a strong young man, you can take it. (this comment sometimes incorporates a hefty slap on the back, or a perusal of my biceps).
4. I politely refuse again, giving the legitimate excuse that I am much too busy on the time when this "puppet sketch" is to be performed.
5. My excuses are politely ignored.
6. I explicate the text of my excuse, outlining the three specific jobs that I already do at the time in question.
7. The excuses are once again ignored.
8. A few days after occurrences 1-7 take place, I receive an email or phone message that tells me a time and a place where practice for this performance is going to begin.
9. Inexplicably, I show up for the practice.
10. I arrive and find that the script is "Really more like guidelines than actual rules" and that the "puppets" with which I am to wow adults and entertain kids are a motley crew, ranging from a wild-haired man slightly reminiscent of John the Baptist (I can almost hear him say, "Locusts a la honey, anyone?"), a chimpanzee, and a man originally dressed as a knight, who went through a rather harsh wardrobe change, and has resigned himself to wearing a modern-day business suit (his Lancelot-esque beard is still very visible on his face).
    
11. I quickly remember, once we start, just how tiring it is to sit in a baptismal with your arm in the air, moving your thumb (but not your fingers...try this, it's hard) in sync with the scri...er...guideline, and trying not to make the poor cloth-man in whose mouth your fingers are putting words look "unnatural."
12. I realize how uncomfortable it is to be doing all that is mentioned above while trying to speak in Walter Cronkite's voice into a small microphone hanging from a towel.
    
13. My arm goes limp.
14. My mind fades into oblivion.
15. I agree to perform on the following Sunday

Now, think about the second definition of "puppet."
Overall, who does the term "puppet" apply to better: John the Baptist, or me?

The Minister finds that funny....