A Surfboard among Cornholers

I have lately been confronted with my own californian-ness, since I have moved to the midwest to continue with post-secondary education.
In other words, when I relate my country state of origin, the most common response is, "Oh. (awkward pause) Wow."
Or, possibly...

"Sweet!!" (with wide eyes and an incredulous look, intimating that they had heard that the species existed, but had never seen a live specimen.)

I think, however, that the source of these responses comes from things like this:

'Nuff said, eh?

You know... (part 2)

...you've been backpacking...

• When the hardness of a fast-food joint's chairs feels like an utter luxury.
• When you're surprised by the amazing taste of things that don't have DEET in them.
• When the term "clean hands" becomes relative.
• When even the thirty-second rule becomes restrictive to your eating habits.
• When popping popcorn over an open fire is the most entertaining thing you can think of to do.
• When your mosquito bite count exceeds your fingers' mathematical abilities.
• When your mosquito bite count is nothing to the number of minor scratches and abrasions inflicted by particularly vengeful and aggressive plants.
• When you don't care about the previous two points.
• When the mere sounds of the suburbs are oppressive to your ears.
• When "shower" is a word of fond, but distant memory.
• When the air around you looks brown.
• When you seem to be able to fly, because your 30 pound pack is not on your back.
• When nothing you see at home in the valley can compare to the majesty of the least of the vistas you just took in.
• When you're simply overwhelmed by the glory of God's creation.

Oh, and one last tip:
Sometimes, looking before you leap just isn't enough.
Sometimes, ground that looks perfectly solid at the start of your leap suddenly changes to knee-deep mud mid-air.
Sometimes, reversing course midair...

well...

actually...

that's NEVER possible.

Math fail...

Not your typical day at the...office...

So now that I'm working in an office setting, there are new dangers lurking around the corner, to slice up your fingers and remove bumpers.

First of all, watch your fingernails, when you're using a staple remover. They really are sharper than you think. (I mean the fingernails are... Well... The staple remover probably is too, but it looks like something from beyond the grave anyhow, so you know not to toy with that)

Second. the bumper of a car can come off. Like, not all the way off, but enough to make a horrible noise when you start moving out of your parking space. Beware of those little cement curbs. They steal bumpers. Thank God for little pocketknives, eh?

Third. Watch out for copiers that eat things. it's not pretty. Keep them happy, give them their offerings and sacrifices. DOOM.

Fourthly and Finally, beware the jub-jub bird, and shun the horrible "ipod ear"!

Since I'm doing something that requires little auditory concentration, I listen to music while I'm working, and by the end of a day, my ears have little red marks on them from all the times I trapped the cord of the earbuds under some papers and tried to walk away. Ow.

But hey, it's better than fast food!!!

You know...

You know you've been working too long on your term paper when...

~ Your fingers are so sore from typing that it hurts to type in your dreams.

~ You start speaking in academic language in normal conversation

(this actually sounds creepy, if you think about it:  "Hmm...One must understand that the speaker feels hungry.  Nothing could be further from the truth than to say that when one is hungry, they are completely satisfied.  Therefore..."  You get the picture :-P )

~ Syntax for you, of sentences, no longer normal is.  Read, have you, much english old.

(sounds like yoda, does it not?  Reason for this, there is.  Borrowed from Chaucer, did George Lucas, and from Spencer, their syntax he did emulate)

~ You begin to notice threads of arguments that fit into your paper as you watch movies.  You wonder if you could cite that Frank Capra movie as a secondary source.

~ You begin to hear the mockingbird across the street start making frog sounds.

Other symptoms may include, irritability, nausea, a hot lap from holding a laptop computer on it for hours on end, inexplicable urges to defenestrate obstreperous authors, and extreme cases of procrastination.

Term Paper:

Use only as directed.

:-)

You know you're a Baptist...

...when, as the echoes and reverb are dying in the sanctuary, the last ringing of the beautifully dissonant chord at the climax of "Go to Dark Gethsemane," just as the beautiful denouement of the good friday hymn is about to begin...

...you hear a loud AY-MAEN! from the congregation...

Any praise for lack of culture?

ugh...

It has been said...

...that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and always expecting a different result...

well...

not exactly.

I read it in a comic strip once, though...I think...it must be true, right?

Anyhow, I know now that that particular principle cannot apply to computers.  One is most definitely not insane, if they try something on a computer twice the same way, expecting a different result.  There is a definite precedent for doing that, whatever those silly comic strips might say.

Also, if one wishes all the ancient poets to be insane, one needs look no further than this idea, for if we apply the saying "if again you don't succeed, try, try again" we must, by this definition, be wholly insane.  

if we, like Ahoshta Tarkaan, intend to continue quoting "the poets," I think we must discard this evidently corrupted definition.

We might, otherwise, also have to throw out our computers... :-)